How to Approach Your Feelings Following Infidelity
Fixing a marriage or relationship is not easy, especially if the problem is related to infidelity. Of course, no one can ever say that solving the issue would be easy. You may have heard or learned of someone you know who went through the same predicament as you are going through right now. They will tell you the hardships they went through, emotionally, psychologically and even physically.
Resolving your marital issues that were caused by your spouse’s infidelity is a lot tougher to fix than just simple misunderstandings or petty arguments. This is particularly difficult if you still love your spouse and you really want to go back to where you and your relationship with your spouse or partner used to be.
This kind of thinking is very admirable, though there are times when you can’t help but wonder about the reasons why your spouse cheated on you, especially when you “know” that you did everything to make your relationship or marriage work. But in spite of how hard you try to keep him, or her, from going astray, infidelity can still happen. Aside from the trust that has been broken, there are other things, such as emotional pain which is hard to overcome.
It’s not easy to get rid of negative thoughts or feelings, particularly when you have taken a severe blow to your self-confidence and self-respect. There are times when you feel like you will lose your sanity in spite of the fact that you still want to save your marriage. At this stage of your marital dilemma you need to take some steps and think if the most effective approach that that may assist you the most.
Here are some of the emotion processes that you need to be aware of when tracking your development in overcoming infidelity crisis:
* Emotional flare-up or outburst is one of the most common reactions when a person has first become aware regarding an occurrence of infidelity. The first conversation or confrontation with your spouse can become very ugly. This is understandable and expected, though if you and your spouse or partner have decided to keep the marriage, it is important that you both (particularly the aggrieved individual) be calm and become open to all necessary steps, that may be required, in order to fix the problem. There is no doubt that your emotions may overpower your sensible thinking in the course of the process. It is important that you make your spouse or partner realized the hurtful effects of what he or she did to you and your marriage or relationship.
* Obsessing over your spouse’s every move after the infidelity is also not the right path to take. You may feel like doing this, at times, because in the back of your mind it’s him or her who did the wrong thing in the first place. But, it may even make the problem worst. It is important to implement stability and balance within your marriage.
* While counseling is certainly recommended, there are a lot of things, besides counseling, that you can do to make your spouse feel that you are there to help him or her out of the infidelity issue, such as simple appreciation for the smaller things that he or she does. As well as helping him or her in some house chores or household decisions or plans that can make them know that you both are in it together. This is a great sign that your marriage or relationship is on the right track to healing after the infidelity.